Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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