just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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