meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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