Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
