yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
