Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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