So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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