How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there was a trapeze. enough said
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
