I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
