she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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