Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
