But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
