i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
