He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
