I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
