cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
