i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
