So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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