Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize