The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
