I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
