party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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