i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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