You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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