I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize