1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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