Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
