Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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