I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
