my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no you cant smoke seaweed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize