remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.