We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner