ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course