I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?