90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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