Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.