You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Church boner. Awkwardddd
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.