OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
