someone threw a dead crab at me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
