Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
