So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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