and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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