Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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