I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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