come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
