i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
