And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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