Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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