Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
