I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
