She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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