I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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