You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
