I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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