I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
