His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
