I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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