No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
