dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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