Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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