Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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