Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
