i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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